Be Your Own Best Friend - The Importance of Self-Talk

There will be times in one’s life when problems arise and there is no one to turn to. How does one deal with issues then?

One solution is to be your own best friend. A best friend is there when a person seeks advice or assurance. A best friend shares a laugh and inspires one to venture out and do new things. How can one do these things for his/herself?

You can start with self-talk. When a situation arises, one can say to his/herself, “I wonder what I should do?” 

An inner best friend might say, “What will be the consequences of action one? What are the consequences of action two? Which option can you best live with?” 

With the help of this ‘best friend’, decide. A good best friend will review the results with you later and decide if you made the better choice and what you might do differently next time. A best friend will also tell you that you did a good job, that both choices were good, and that you did the best you could. 

If the decision turns out not to be what was hoped, your best friend will say, “Okay, what did we learn?  What would we do next time?  Done.  Let’s forget about it and go and have some fun.”

An inner best friend can slow a person down when making decisions: be the voice of reason or support. Panic attacks may be less severe or disappear.

A best friend can be inspirational. When one is hesitant to enter a new situation, a best friend will be the voice of encouragement. “Come on. We can do this. What is the harm in trying? What is the worse that can happen? Could we survive the worst?” 

This inner voice may be just enough of a push to give one the self-confidence to try something new, out of the comfort zone. If one is feeling low, an inner voice might just be enough to change one’s perspective by reminding one of all the good things in one’s life that out weigh the present disaster.

If self-talk is difficult at first, it might be easier to journal one’s thoughts. Look at the journal as a good friend with whom you can share your thoughts as you would if a best friend were in the room.  Later, re-read what you have written and see if you can assume the role of a best friend and advise the journal writer.  If you can, you have developed a good friend who listens to your concerns and can offer advice.

The beauty of being one’s own best friend who carries on a dialogue in one’s mind, is that there is never any fear of a best friend revealing your secrets to others. If one is a journal writer, there is the risk of the journal being read. Unless one encounters a mind-reader, one’s thoughts are his/her own and very private.

Occasionally, one may notice people talking to themselves. It may even be a bit off-putting. It need not be. These people have just developed the self-talk skill and choose to or unconsciously verbalize their thoughts.

Although it may take some practice, if one can become his/her own best friend, the world is a much less lonely place. One can develop the self-confidence to spend time alone, go places as a single, live alone and enjoy a full life. When met by others, they see a calm, thoughtful, self-confident person with whom they would like to spend some time. Double bonus!

Gwen Ulan