Grief Over the Holidays

The holidays can be a stressful time for many people. If you’ve lost a loved one, dealing with this grief during the holidays can be really difficult. Your usual holiday festivities may remind you of your lost loved one, and make grief feel more intense. There are some things you can do to help yourself and/or your family get through a difficult time like this. 

Firstly, be gentle with yourself. Give yourself space for your emotions. Don’t be afraid to cry. Listen to your body, and try to give it what it’s asking for. Do you need to rest? Do you need some alone time? It’s perfectly alright to opt out of family obligations if you need some time to yourself. Just explain gently that you need a little bit of “me” time. Spend a little bit of extra time on self care if you can. Check out our blog post on how to make your own self care menu for some ideas. If you are supporting some else, a good question to ask is “What do you need right now?”

Second, access your support system. It can be challenging to reach out to others during this time of social distancing, but we are lucky in that there are now so many tools for connecting with others. Let your family and/or friends know how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking. Reach out to people who are dealing with grief this holiday season, and check in on them. You may wish to seek professional help in therapy to help you navigate this difficult time. Many psychologists, including those here at Summit, are able to offer their services over video call. 

Lastly, adapt the holidays to your needs and emotions. Maybe you want to honor your loved one during this time, or it may be better to do so before or after the holidays to avoid thinking about it during. You could light candles, share stories, or set up a little display to honor your loved one. If old traditions are too painful, maybe it’s time for some new ones. You could try some variations on what you usually do, or do something completely different altogether. Maybe you usually have turkey during the holidays; maybe everyone’s favourite takeout is the way to go this year. Change whatever you need to to make this time more comfortable for yourself. Even if that means, not doing anything at all, that’s more than okay.

Know that it does get better with time. Your loved one would want you to take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself, and make what changes you need to. Dealing with the loss of a loved one during the holidays is very painful, but there are many things you can do to help yourself. 

Jessica Dubauskas